the night started out normal. you know, 20 people pre-gaming in a quality inn and suites tiny ass hotel room. and btw, by 20 people, i mean 18 boys, and best friend and dough.
we get to v20 in long beach at the pike. awesomeness. open bar slash open food. the bee's knees. literally saw people from high school who i haven't seen in four years, which was awkward slash amazing. sounds contradictory, but it really isn't.
inappropriateness #1.
boy a trying trying to kiss boy b. boy a not realizing boy b does not swing that way. luckily, boy b was classy about it. boy a probably doesn't remember this happening.
inappropriateness #2.
in the bathroom of the vip area with best friend, where, for some reason, there is shattered glass that best friend has apparently stepped on. cut to dough (me), on her hands and knees, mopping up the blood gushing from best friend's foot, convinced we're about to get kicked out. but, no, big bouncer man loves best friend and simply rushes to get a first aid kit so matty can doctor her foot. you're probably wondering where best friend's shoes were? so was i. i still don't know.
inappropriateness #3.
best friend dragging big bouncer man onto the dance floor so as to dance on her bandaged foot.
inappropriateness #4.
dirty dancing con mike. not exactly inappropriate, but it was definitely dirty. thus, worth mentioning.
inappropriateness #5.
best friend. ryan. refer to best friend's post.
inappropriateness #6.
giving a lap dance to matty. for a good ten minutes. according to matty, i "broke his dick." compliment? i think so.
inappropriateness #7.
paying 20 effing dollars to leave the god forsaken parking structure.
inappropriateness #8.
330am visit to the shorehouse cafe where we spent the entire meal recounting best friend and dough's sexual exploitations, respectively, in detail. loudly. pretty sure the entire population of the shorehouse cafe on friday night now knows my most intimate details.
inappropriateness #9.
parallel parking absolutely smashed. and doing a fantastic job of it.
inappropriateness #10.
best friend sleeping underwearless and pantless next to me in the double g-pa's bed.
inappropriateness #11.
driving from long beach to calabasas in 40 minutes, still absolutely fucked, just so i can make people their damn pizzas.
inappropriateness #12.
next night. best friend and i dominating at beer pong. first game? against a 16 year old.
inappropriateness #13.
texting the domiHO, "do you want to hook up or not? you're being a twat face. i'm over it."
inappropriateness #14.
best friend dressing me for bed. the convo went something like this:
best friend: (holding shorts open for me to step into).
me: why are you holding the pants open like that?!
best friend: because you're wasted!!
inappropriateness #15.
waking up late for work again, and showing up at domino's in the pajamas.
inappropriateness #16.
ending the weekend at best friend's watching "i didn't know i was pregnant." bitch straight up pooped her baby out into the toilet.
that was best friend and dough's weekend in a nut shell. uhhmazing? yes.
peace.
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