Thursday, April 9, 2009


warning: this post may be too diaryish for boys.

so the other day i tried to submit a FML story to it wouldn't let me. there were too many FML's being submitted. i was rejected by FML. and now, i don't even remember what it was about. FML.

this has been an interesting week. multiple ups and downs. all of which i have no control over. clearly, the ups have been awesome, and the downs have been mind-blowingly down.

ups of the week:
1. i've officially lost 20lbs. holler baller. i make it rain on them hos. i'm not sure what that means, and it might be something completely inappropriate but i said it. get over it.
2. found out that the internship is trying to figure out a way they can hire me! finally, a job.
3. got completely wasted at sunset with all of my favorites.
4. went to domino's at 3am with the roomies and made a pizza. i'm for sure getting fired soon so if you want anymore free slash cheap pizzas, now would be the time to abuse that privilege.
5. nina and i are talking again. i think. it feels that way. i guess we'll see.
6. i made a good (but at the same time, bad) decision at domino's. once again, i think. this may also go on the downs of the week.
7. i decided who i'm asking to theta formal.

and now,

downs of the fucking week:
1. overslept and missed class monday afternoon. yes, ladies and gentlemen, AFTERNOON.
2. got completely wasted at sunset, and had some convos with some people i probably shouldn't have had. i think best friend did the same thing, though, so that makes it better.
3. went to domino's at 3am and made pizza with the roomies. once again, may be getting fired.
4. overslept wednesday morning, and woke up to 12 missed calls, 7 texts, and 3 voicemails, all people from my class wondering where the fuck i was, because i was supposed to go to some trial in downtown la.
5. i made a bad (but at the same time, good) decision at domino's. i enjoyed it, but i'm beginning to regret it, i think. i don't know. maybe. damnit.
6. i spent the last 2 hours internetting it, rather than doing homework. but don't tell theta, i'm on academic probation.
7. i found out some interesting news that i would rather have not found out about. and there's nothing i can do about the info i know because i'm technically not supposed to know about it.
8. AND THE BIGGEST DOWN OF THE WEEK? i had 4 PFD's. on tuesday, it was knocked down to 2, when i was rejected not once, but twice. one of those PFD's? my besty, stephen. and i was rejected for sports reasons. yeah, sports reasons. both of them rejected me for sports reasons. i hate sports.

so there it is, party peoples. fml, right?

rollercoaster of emotions.



Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Skinny DIP

Last night started off innocently enough...a little Taco Tuesday...a nice beer...then my friend asks a question to which there is only one answer:

Court: "Do you want to go get a six pack and drink it in Ralph's parking lot"
Me: "YES"

And let the games begin.

Parking lot adventure is followed by some more pre-gaming at my house...and then off to the Sunset to get bamboozled. Apparently the entire senior class at Pep had the same idea.

Let me fast forward to the next was one of those mornings when you wake up, say"Do I remember everything?...Why yes I do..." and then for the rest of the day people remind you of the things you did that you in fact do NOT remember.

These are the things I do remember:
1. Drinking twp 32 oz. beers, gin with margarita mix - surprisingly really good, 2 Gin and tonics and a shot of Patron
2. Dancing A LOT
3. Sitting on a lifeguard tower (for an unremembered amount of time) with Clifford
4. Somehow being talked into skinny dipping in the freezing ocean
5. Having a spot light directed at me whilst in the nude

These are the things I do not remember doing:
1. Dancing with Derek...inappropriately
2. Screaming at Mike....then Matt...then Cliff...also inappropriate
3. Crying about missing Easter with the fam
4. Walking home barefoot
5. Losing my keys


~Best Friend

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

successful day? maybe.

i'm going to go out on a limb here and say that i had a very successful day.

i woke up in best friend's bed to her singing toni braxton at the top of her lungs. it was beautiful. brought tears to my eyes. then, i realized i would have to listen to her singing it for the next 20 minutes as we drove to school.

my stephen is amazing and is going to treat me to a pedicure because he loves me, but mostly because i get him free pizza at domino's.

then, i took a nap all day which was fantastic. uhhmazing. i highly recommend it.

went to work, where i handled what could have been a very awkward situation. but because i'm too legit to quit, the situation was anything but awkward.

next, i had forgotten that raul, heidi, and michelle (all domiHO's) were going to come and visit me and cliff. not only were they coming to visit, but they were also bringing me dinner. not only were they bringing me dinner, it was 3 different kinds of sushi from suki7. it was orgasmic. yeah, i went there.

next, my domino's groupies called and talked to me for a half hour on the phone. entertaining, to say the least. and btw, they are ready and willing to escort any theta to formal, so if anyone is still looking, let me know. i know about 6 guys that would lurve to go.

received an email from the internship boss. i was under the impression that there was no way they could hire me once i graduate from college. HOWEVER, the awesome kim emails me and says they are trying to figure out a way they could keep me in their office. as in, give me a job!! best news ever!

for the rest of the night at domino's, i spent it on aim talking to those amazing lovers of mine: kate, aline, and keyla. there's your shoutout, kate. no more choosing malibu yo over me. let's put those days behind us.

and now, i'm writing a post on best friend and dough's blog, instead of doing the homework that i planned on doing when i joined the homework party occurring at flordia con cliff and alex.

on to homework.

peace. dough.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Toni Braxton and I do not sound similar

Registration for my last semester of classes as a college student went like this:

One class I need to graduate: CHECK




Intro to voice? SURE!
Intro to piano? SURE!
Comedy in film? SURE!

Thus my biggest worry after last weekend's antics was what song I was going to sing for my voice class. The class should actually be called "how to sing along to the radio." Each week we are forced to pick a song to sing in front of the class...not like - find the karaoke version... literally sing right along with the voice if you are ever in a car with me I will knock your socks off with my incredible radio-sing-along-skills.

I stuck with some fairly simple songs at first - Taylor Swift and Norah Jones...but the Voice Nazi caught on to my ploy and told me I had to sing a song from Dreamgirls...I'm sorry - do you know who sings on that soundtrack - the likes of one, Beyonce Knowles and two, Jennifer Hudson....umm....nope.

SO - after two weeks of "a really bad cold" and "sorry this sounds like shit - I lost my voice" she finally told me I could do a new song....

I breathed a sigh of relief until she uttered the following: "Next week I want you to sing.........UN-BREAK MY HEART...." - by non other than Toni Braxton.

A. My roommate thought Toni Braxton was a man when when she first heard the song because of the intense lower register achieved by Toni.
B. I am not black - thus singing songs by black artists normally doesn't go well for me.
C. I have completely run out of solid excuses for why my voice does not sound good when singing power ballads.

I know you are all dying to know how it went today...

She asked me to work on the "lower register" (aka - tap into that lower man voice I thought no one without testicles could possess) and sing it next week. Looks like it's going to be a long and tough week in terms of homework.

Excuse me - Toni and I have a date.

~Best Friend

it is what it is.

just want it to be known. i love my stephen. he's the bees knees.

and everyone get excited. pretty soon best friend and dough will also be posting video blogs.

you all know you love those.

peace. dough.

best friend slash dough sleepovers = best idea ever.

sleepovers are supposed to be amazing, right? but when you're 22, sleepovers are supposed to be kind of calm and chill. you drink a glass of wine, watch some tv, then go to bed. sounds about right.

not so for best friend and dough.

we spend the first 3 hours of our night establishing "i never remember nights anymore," all the while watching the tlc marathon of "i didn't know i was pregnant." you would not believe how many women have pooped a child out into a toilet. ridic.

we then decide it's time for bed, but proceed to giggle and chit-chat for about, oh, i don't know, 4 fuckin hours about life, my family, nick pitera, disney, and twat faces.

here's some quotes of the night:

1. you can't just be bush woman down there.-best friend.
2. (whining) i don't know. itchy. just so itchy.-best friend.
3. best friend: you have a huge walk-in closet. with a mattress. utilize it.
dough: (whispers) i'm not about to have sex for the first time in my closet where my cat's litterbox is.
4. best friend: clearly she was wasted.
dough: she's 13!
best friend: oh.
5. you have like 90 people in your family. and you act like they're all your best friend. i'm sorry i can't keep track of all of your family, and that's just your dad's side.-best friend.
6. best friend: can't i just not eat?
(pregnant pause)
dough: i mean, honestly,you can just take the easy route of bulimia or anorexia, but...

and there you have it. all nuggets of wisdom. live by them

peace. dough.

Sunday, April 5, 2009


Thursday night:

So for TWO years I have been trying to get Fridays off of school...TWO YEARS...of course - even in my last semester of school...the one class I need to graduate is only offered on Fridays. Thus...round 1 begins with a for my last undergraduate test ever, or start the weekend off early?

Clearly I chose to start the weekend off right...Everything was just dandy until a little later in the evening...blah blah blah - Clifforous gets a little upset and screams "Fuck you" at me. I immediately burst into hysterical sobbing...apparently this can be heard from half way down the street...what can I say - I'm a loud crier when drunk.

This leads to Al and I taking a "walk"...or me laying down in the middle of the street for awhile...then off to bed.

P.S. ROCKED the test friday morning.


Friday night:

Dough and I take an escapade down to Long Beach for a birthday party - several injuries are obtained. These injuries include, but may not be limited to the following:

Several cuts on the right foot which two days later still limit walking abilities: I completely blame this injury on the devil that is highed heeled shoes. I apparently could not be troubled to continue wearing said devil shoes. Some bitch could also not be troubled to continue holding her drink so there was broken glass all over the floor. This leads to more blood coming out of my body than is necessary, Dough frantically wiping up blood, and Matty bringing out the best of his doctoring skills. I also took this opportunity to put my best flirting foot forward (at this point it would probably be the left foot since the right now looks like ground beef)...The 6 foot, 250 pound bouncer became my new best friend and potential dance partner. SO - once the blood was wiped up and massive amount of medical tape applied, I headed back out onto the dance floor.

Extremely painful injury to the neck: Alright's a freakin' least I think it is...regardless - this particular injury is all about location, location, location. I decided it would be a fan-FUCKING-tastic idea to hook up with some guy Dough introduced me to earlier...but that's not all - this idea included doing it on the dance floor in front of 150 of my closest friends (of which I had actually talked to maybe 10). Needless to say the party goers got more than just free food and drinks - they also got a free view of my common sense taking a little break and my dignity being left on the dance floor. Whoop whoop.

Massive bruising on my shoulder and cheek: By the end of the night my foot was not feeling to good so Matty being the gentleman that he is offered up a piggy back ride. GREAT.

Attempt #1: I jump literally one inch of the ground...thus unsuccesfully mounting Matty...(get your mind out of the gutter...)
Attempt #2: I jump... no wait...LEAP onto his back. Clearly I should be an Olympic high-jumper because I managed to jump over Matty's back and face-plant onto the pavement...literally - my shoulder and cheek break the fall...thanks Matty, but I think I'll walk from here.

I just want to say that I went in to this night of fun with two specific goals:

1. Get drunk
2. Hook up with someone


ROUND 2 1/2:

Saturday Morning:
Dough and I wake up way to early in an attempt to get Dough to work on time. My options for clothing at this point were dress from night before, leggings, and Mike's t-shirt that just BARELY covers my ass. I decide on the t-shirt and leggings...just so you know..."leggings" is more like tights - thus see through.

At this time I will describe the best walk of shame in the history of walks of shame. From Dough's grandpa's house emerges 4 of the most hungover kids in America...hung over...scantily dressed...and trying not to toss any cookies (vomit). Then:

Me: "Why are there so many people out here?"
Dough: "Oh my God - it's the annual seal beach 10k walk/run."

Oh yes - our walk of shame happened to be on the 10k course. EXCELLENT...I attempted to give our fellow walkers an encouraging thumbs up while pulling down my t-shirt with the other hand to cover my ass. Next year I'm going to tell the 10k people to put "come walk for a good cause and enjoy the sights of drunk and scantily clad college kids do the walk of shame," on their brochure.


Saturday night:

Dough and I begin our night playing Beer Pong against a 16 year old...clearly we may be only by one cup...but it still counts. We then continue to DOMINATE until Dough decides she is too drunk to continue. I being the best friend that I am find some PJ's for dough, help dress her, and tuck the little one in for a long night of slumber. I then make a delicious bowl of pasta (when I say bowl I mean more like a large mixing bowl...cause hey - the calories don't count if you can't remember eating them right?)

So for round 3 I replaced a very public make-out with a rando boy with a more private hook-up with a bowl of pasta...mmmm Common Sense decided to make an appearance - WHERE WERE YOU FOR ROUND 2?!

Well...another successful weekend for Dough and BestFriend.

Until next time...

popping the blog cherry.

inappropriateness. it's the best thing ever. let's discuss some inappropriateness that happened this weekend courtesy of best friend and dough.

the night started out normal. you know, 20 people pre-gaming in a quality inn and suites tiny ass hotel room. and btw, by 20 people, i mean 18 boys, and best friend and dough.

we get to v20 in long beach at the pike. awesomeness. open bar slash open food. the bee's knees. literally saw people from high school who i haven't seen in four years, which was awkward slash amazing. sounds contradictory, but it really isn't.

inappropriateness #1.
boy a trying trying to kiss boy b. boy a not realizing boy b does not swing that way. luckily, boy b was classy about it. boy a probably doesn't remember this happening.

inappropriateness #2.
in the bathroom of the vip area with best friend, where, for some reason, there is shattered glass that best friend has apparently stepped on. cut to dough (me), on her hands and knees, mopping up the blood gushing from best friend's foot, convinced we're about to get kicked out. but, no, big bouncer man loves best friend and simply rushes to get a first aid kit so matty can doctor her foot. you're probably wondering where best friend's shoes were? so was i. i still don't know.

inappropriateness #3.
best friend dragging big bouncer man onto the dance floor so as to dance on her bandaged foot.

inappropriateness #4.
dirty dancing con mike. not exactly inappropriate, but it was definitely dirty. thus, worth mentioning.

inappropriateness #5.
best friend. ryan. refer to best friend's post.

inappropriateness #6.
giving a lap dance to matty. for a good ten minutes. according to matty, i "broke his dick." compliment? i think so.

inappropriateness #7.
paying 20 effing dollars to leave the god forsaken parking structure.

inappropriateness #8.
330am visit to the shorehouse cafe where we spent the entire meal recounting best friend and dough's sexual exploitations, respectively, in detail. loudly. pretty sure the entire population of the shorehouse cafe on friday night now knows my most intimate details.

inappropriateness #9.
parallel parking absolutely smashed. and doing a fantastic job of it.

inappropriateness #10.
best friend sleeping underwearless and pantless next to me in the double g-pa's bed.

inappropriateness #11.
driving from long beach to calabasas in 40 minutes, still absolutely fucked, just so i can make people their damn pizzas.

inappropriateness #12.
next night. best friend and i dominating at beer pong. first game? against a 16 year old.

inappropriateness #13.
texting the domiHO, "do you want to hook up or not? you're being a twat face. i'm over it."

inappropriateness #14.
best friend dressing me for bed. the convo went something like this:
best friend: (holding shorts open for me to step into).
me: why are you holding the pants open like that?!
best friend: because you're wasted!!

inappropriateness #15.
waking up late for work again, and showing up at domino's in the pajamas.

inappropriateness #16.
ending the weekend at best friend's watching "i didn't know i was pregnant." bitch straight up pooped her baby out into the toilet.

that was best friend and dough's weekend in a nut shell. uhhmazing? yes.