Why is it that conversations about the status of a relationship are always the hardest to have. I'm not just talking about boy girl relationships...I'll get there - just hold your pretty little horses. But even just friendships.
Take Dough and I. We talk on an extremely regular basis...but as I stated in my last post - Dough has recently decided to make a move to Arizona. Why is it that for two days after she made the announcement I didn't want to talk about it? When we did talk it was in anger and not about anything rational or related to what REALLY needed to be discussed. I finally reached out on Facebook of all places. We had our "DTR" this morning (Define the relationship for those of you who aren't with it yet). For two days I was in agony and one 15 minute conversation could have put me out of my misery. All Dough had to say was "we'll be together forever - Arizona is just temporary"...ah. All is right in the best friendough "marriage" again. I know some of you were worried there for a hot minute.
I don't typically discuss my relationships with the opposite sex because to be frank...there usually isn't much to discuss and you would all go crosseyed with boredom. But I would currently like to know what the hell happened to men having cohones, balls, testicles, nuts...COURAGE. I realize this is the 21st century and I'm for women power as much as the next Rosie Odonell (well maybe not QUITE as much as her)...but I still respect a man who has the balls to discuss status.
A friend recently told me; "You have to have the talk. If you don't bring it up, he never will so it's up to you." Well fuck. I consider myself to be 22 - in most areas of my life. When it comes to relationships I am 12....maybe 13. I do not know how to handle these types of conversations and thinking about them makes me physically ill. So this should go really well.
This brings me to my next point.
If I'm going to work up the umph to pull the girl card and bring up "status", I'm not going to do it like some blindfolded kid trying to pin the tail on the donkey. I'm directionally challenged and I would invariably pin the tail in a socially unacceptable place. I need direction - hints - clues. My point being: I'm not going to start a DTR without having some idea about what the outcome of that talk is going to be. Thus my need for continuity in terms of actions. If one minute we are acting like two peas in a pod and the next it's back to seventh grade ass out hugs, how the hell am I supposed to know what he's thinking?
Let me just inject here that I would actually not care to have this talk at all. I would much prefer to let things progress naturally and without awkward relationship defining moments. Actions do speak louder than words. The problem here is that the actions are saying we are moving in one direction half the time and a completely opposite direction other times. Give me a C. Give me an O. Give me an N. Give me a T...etc.
Are we friends? Friends with benefits? Dating? Dating but we can see other people? Would he be pissed if I were seeing someone else? Would I be pissed if he were seeing someone else? Is he or I allowed to get pissed about that?
So. Someone needs to show me a little CONTINUITY so that I can get some COHONES and have a DTR thus bringing CLARITY into my life.
We'll see how this turns out.